Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
