so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
