but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
