What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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