Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he was CRYING into my vagina
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
