Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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