New low: just hacked my moms facebook
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize