I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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