i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize