the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
try to milk me bitch
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
