so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
