Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
