ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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