I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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