P.S. I can't hear my feet
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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