I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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