It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize