I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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