my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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