I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
