see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
