The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
