We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
