I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
