You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
