420 ftw
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
