I wish my penis had an off switch
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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