In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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