So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
