god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
