he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
