Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
