I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Randomize