got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
