Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
