I want to have your abortion
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She tied me up with her honor cords...
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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