come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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