I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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