do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
