remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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