As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
