well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
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I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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