Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
