I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
