What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
