This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
