I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
