I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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