just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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