Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
