the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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