Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
