I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It's no shave November. This is our time.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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