My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
