yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
