Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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