I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
