I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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