Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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