Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
it hurts more in the daytime
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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