Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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