Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I want a musical about memes.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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