Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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