he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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