you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
