he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
