Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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